My perspective evolves and changes as time passes. I think when I started I felt spinning chucks was something to accomplish instead of something to do and thinking that way had alot of negativity that came with it. I was very concerned with being “good” at it which meant a lot of comparing to others and having a negatively competitive mindset, I thought everyone must think the same way and that caused alot of anxiety for me.
Constantly comparing and judging and feeling judged was difficult but over the months raw naive Ego was replaced with pride from hardwork, being in the community showed me that people or at least the ones I cared to listen to where all supportive and encouraging and I wanted to be more like them. Currently I see spinning and flowart as something that will always have new things to explore and try instead of something to complete/master.
I still care about becoming really good but now its coming from a happier place in my mind and isnt causing me as much stress. I will continue to think alot on Ego vs pride vs confidence etc etc because I’m still figuring out what it all really means to me. I know I’m still working at not being negative and want to find balance between influence, inspiration and identity.
To leave off on a positive note daily training has been paying off in awesome and unforseen ways like a few days ago I realized I can put extra rotations on alot of my digit rolls if I want too. I have found ways to describe what some of my style goals are and made really good headway on developing how I want to move.